The feelings of loss since Kev died are immensely painful, and they change every day.  At the beginning there was a feeling that he would just walk into the room again as if nothing had happened.  Whenever we were engaged in a mundane task, like cleaning the kitchen, it was easy to imagine that you could see him in peripheral vision.  After we scattered his ashes there was some consolation: I could visualise him lying there peacefully under the tree on his side, the way that I last saw him.  Now, after six weeks, it hurts more to remember him.  Maybe this feeling will pass – I sincerely hope so.

In order to numb my brain I tend to browse online auctions for longer than normal.